Meandering Mind

Early Bird

2012-02-11T08:08:00.001-05:00

The fiance and I recently shifted to an earlier schedule. With his new job, we have to wake up at 6am if we want to fit the gym in before work. Even on non-gym days, we find ourselves waking up naturally by 6. Like today, for example. Saturday, when we have nowhere we have to be.

I'm loving it.

A few months ago, the New York Times ran a quiz to see if you were a morning person or a night person. Predictably, I came out as a "morning lark," whereas the fiance was definitely a night creature. What I found most interesting was the question about waking up hungry. I wake up starving, but at night I'm not very hungry at all. The fiance is the exact opposite. Obviously, our bodies are processing in different ways.

He's adjusted surprisingly well to our new schedule. Meanwhile, I've been waking up with boundless energy. I wonder how much is nature and how much nurture. My parents were both morning people, and I was raised in a household that was "early to bed, early to rise." Either way I have instilled in me the value of early morning stillness, the beauty of savoring that first cup of tea of the day.

Our Endangered Ecosystem

2012-02-01T06:56:00.000-05:00

Many articles have appeared about the book industry lately. This one, for example.

Here, the Author's Guild breaks it all down for us. Who did what to whom and why and what the implications have been and may be. Very interesting, to say the least.

As a writer, what can you do? Just keep writing.

Beware Straunge Ynkehorne Termes

2012-01-30T14:32:00.001-05:00

From The Language Wars: A History of Proper English by Henry Hitchings:

"Thomas Wilson's The Arte of Rhetorique (1553) disapprovingly mentions 'straunge ynkehorne termes,' and for roughly half a century a writer who spattered his text with novelties was likely to be told his work reeked of the inkhorn - a vessel used for carrying ink, a little horn of plenty that became a symbol of authorial self-indulgence."

I love this! We need to bring "inkhorn" back.

Prettified

2012-01-29T12:28:00.000-05:00

My main website, www.courtneymauk.com, got a makeover!

It's prettier, but most importantly, it's easier for me to update. Of note are the new Events page and the updated Publications page, where I now have links to all of my online stories and essays.

Enjoy!

Links for an Early Morning

2012-01-21T07:20:00.000-05:00

My birthday began at 1am with the fiance waking up with food poisoning. Hopefully things will turn around. In the meantime, there's tea and the internet.

I love this Millions piece from November - Three Readings, A Bag of Ritz Sandwich Crackers, and Some Serious QT with my Number One Fan

Also from The Millions, Writing the City - I read Mary Gaitskill's Bad Behavior in college and fell in love with the grittiness - of her writing and of her city. Today's Manhattan is much cleaner and shinier, but the grit is still there, underneath. You just have to scrape at the surface with your fingernail.

From Andrew Scott, Where Do You Buy Your Books? - A topic much discussed in my family. My mom works at Barnes & Noble, my brother works at a used bookstore, my fiance is an Amazon addict, and I am a big proponent of independent bookstores. In the end, we all love books (the kind you can have a tactile relationship with) and want to do good for books and book lovin' people.

If you subscribe to The New Yorker, you should definitely read Donald Hall's beautiful essay "Out The Window."

And, sadly, he didn't come - Edgar Allan Poe Fans Say ‘Nevermore’ to Vigil for Mystery Admirer

3-1

2012-01-19T18:54:00.000-05:00

My birthday is on Saturday. Last year was the big 3-0 with all the accompanying glitz and glamor. I've always loved birthdays, mine and others, but 31 isn't such a big deal. Just another number. We'll have some champagne, invite my bridesmaids over and play board games (side note: Liebrary rocks). I'm not feeling my usual over the top birthday excitement; instead I'm quietly content.

The 30s fit me well. The 20s were a blur of confusion and huge risk taking that, thankfully, paid off. I got scraped and bruised and bloodied along the way, but everything healed. I can't say there's too much I regret. Well, OK, a few things, here and there.

The 30s seem to be shaping up to be the decade of stability. In the next year I'll get married, my first book will come out, we'll move to an apartment that's big enough for us to "grow into." I'm a real, certifiable grown up. And it's pretty cool.

The fiance mentioned an article he read (which I just tried unsuccessfully to Google) that asked people what decade they would want to relive. Most said the 40s. We found this interesting and supposed that the 40s are the time when you're at the high point of career, raising children, still in good physical health. Something nice to look forward to.

When have you been the happiest? Is there a point in your life you'd like to return to? The fiance and I both said that we're the happiest we've been right now. The 20s, as I mentioned, were confusing, and college was even more so. Everything in college is SO INTENSE. And I'm not even going to get into talking about high school.

Also...

2012-01-14T16:05:00.001-05:00

Goths Up Trees

and

Barrelhouse's next online fiction workshop is about to start! You have one more day to sign up.

The Comedown

2012-01-14T15:55:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday I finished a revision of my novel and sent it off to my editor. I felt accomplishment and relief, but the next afternoon I started feeling restless. Anxious. A little bit sad. I played around with some short stories, worked on the opening of a new novel, read the New Yorker (one of my favorite activities) and finished off Russell Banks' Lost Memory of Skin (excellent). I worked out, did yoga, cleaned, went to the dentist. I checked off my whole week's to do list. And still, right now, I feel at loose ends.

It's a pattern. Whenever I complete a big project - or part of a project - I experience a comedown. Sometimes it lasts a few hours; other times I feel odd for days or even weeks. I don't know exactly why this happens or how to distract myself. It's like I'm in mourning, missing the characters and plot I threw myself into for so long, and I'm not sure who I am or what to do without them.

Of course, I eventually get over it and move on. I just seem to have a lot of trouble letting go (which does not bode well for my someday children).

My fellow writers, do you experience these comedowns? If so, how have you learned to deal with them?

"There's nothing quite like a real book."

2012-01-11T14:17:00.000-05:00

I could watch this video all day.

Wedding Vendors

2012-01-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

We have all of our wedding vendors lined up, and they are a talented lot. Each one has been helpful, accessible, and able to "get" our concept.

Celebrant: Jessie Blum of Eclectic Unions

Flowers: Emily Thompson Flowers

Cake: Lael Cakes - vegan and gluten-free!

Photographer: Lauren Slusher Photography

Dress: Really Great Things

Headdress: Whichgoose - bonus: she wrapped the package in a blue ribbon that we're going to use in our handfasting

Ceremony Venue: Brooklyn Bridge Park

Reception Venue: ReBar

Our wedding is going to be pretty unconventional, with an earthy, bohemian feel. I used to joke that I wanted a hippie wedding, and that's what I'm getting, only more sophisticated. And I'm not going to fulfill my childhood fantasy of getting married barefoot. In New York, no way.

Fiction Workshop Starts Jan. 15th

2012-01-07T10:48:00.002-05:00

You can still sign up for Barrelhouse's next 8 week online fiction workshop, led by Matthew Kirkpatrick and me.

We start Jan. 15th.

Go here to register.

By the way, you can now pre-order Matt's short story collection, LIGHT WITHOUT HEAT, coming out from FC2 in March.

Good Stuff on the Internet

2012-01-06T08:55:00.001-05:00

Meditation Found to Increase Brain Size - I'm trying to get better at meditation, although it's still far from a daily practice for me. I find that my mediation after yoga leaves me feeling calmer and more aware. I also find walking meditation very helpful. Whenever I come to a stumbling block with my writing, I take a walk to figure things out.

The Trouble with Bright Girls - I've written about "goodness" and its effect on girls' body image before. This Huffington Post article looks at how "goodness" and other innate quality labels affect girls' responses to difficulty.

25 Things Writers Should Stop Doing - Tough love from Chuck Wendig, much needed by pretty much every writer I know. My favorites are 3, 10, 15, 17, and 21. And we all need to remember: "You know you’re a writer because it’s not just what you do, but rather, it’s who you are."

I'll leave you with:

The Lights that Beckon the City

P.S.

Here's one more - Small Tokyo bookstore helps customers find the read they need the most

Barrelhouse Ten

2012-01-02T10:59:00.000-05:00

Happy 2012!

If you're looking for something good to read (and I know you are), you should consider the new issue of Barrelhouse. It's the crime edition and so full of the good stuff, it should be illegal (sorry, I had to).

In other news, I just ordered the scoby for the kombucha brewing kit that Eric gave me for Christmas/Hanukkah. I'm really excited. I used to brew my own absinthe, and the results were disgusting and brown and undrinkable. Hopefully I'll be better at kombucha making.

Over the River and Through the Woods

2011-12-31T10:01:00.000-05:00

Eric and I have just returned from a cross-country trip to visit my family in Dayton and his family in Los Angeles. Highlights included a day out with my uncle, touring spots of familial significance among the barren cornfields of rural Ohio; Eric's first Christmas (my mother made him a stocking from the same pattern she used to make my brother's and mine when we were infants - Eric is now officially part of the family); my successful attempts at making vegan matzo ball soup; a big, noisy, chaotic Hanukkah dinner at Eric's grandmother's; and getting to see our best man and groomsman.

And now we're back in NYC, a little big jet-lagged, a little bit homesick for where we used to live, and a little bit more in love with where we live now.

With all the moving around, I thought today was the 30th until I checked the New York Times website. Happy New Year's Eve! Last year Eric and I celebrated in a hotel room in Chennai, India. We'd just gotten back to the city after two weeks of travel, and even though the year was about to change over, I rushed into the bathroom to take a shower. Tonight we'll be celebrating with our good friends at their place down the street (I'll shower before we go). Very nice bookends to a very nice year.

Without a doubt, 2011's highlights were our engagement and my book deal. In 2012, we'll get married and SPARK will come out.

I'm feeling pretty darn lucky and very grateful.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

2011-12-14T10:16:00.001-05:00

We have a cover!

Coming from Engine Books in late 2012.

Online Fiction Workshop

2011-12-09T22:38:00.000-05:00

I'll be co-leading Barrelhouse Magazine's next online fiction workshop with writer/editor Matthew Kirkpatrick. The 8 week session will begin January 15th.

For a full description and registration information, go here.

SPARK

2011-12-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

Big, big news:

My novel, SPARK, will be published by Engine Books in late 2012.

I am beyond excited. Engine Books is an amazing press, and I feel so fortunate to be part of their line-up.

Barrelhouse Open for Submissions

2011-11-28T17:06:00.000-05:00

Barrelhouse Magazine is now open for fiction, poetry, and nonfiction submissions. Send your best work our way via the online submissions manager.

Stay tuned for another exciting Barrelhouse announcement coming soon.

An Article Everyone Should Read

2011-11-22T08:36:00.000-05:00

Without a free, uncensored press, what do we have?

New York Times: N.Y.P.D. Stops Reporters With Badges and Fists

We need to pay attention, ask questions, ensure our rights.

Tea and Oranges

2011-11-21T08:52:00.001-05:00

This song conjures two distinct memories:

When I was a child, my mom used to set the breakfast table while singing, "She feeds you tea and oranges that came all the way from China." I had no idea where the words came from. They were just part of her magic (Is it any wonder that I became a writer?).

When I was a junior in college and had discovered Leonard Cohen for myself, I used to sit on the roof of the house my friends and I rented and listen to his imperfect voice while staring up at the stark Ohio stars. No matter what I was feeling, his words amplified the emotion, carrying me to a place that was both intimate and expansive.

A few weeks ago, my students had a debate about whether or not song lyrics qualify as poetry. We had a few doubters. I should have played them some Cohen.

Take Action - Protect Women's Birth Control Rights

2011-11-20T14:42:00.000-05:00

Under pressure from religious and conservative groups, the White House is considering an exemption to the new health care law that would allow employers to exclude contraception from insurance coverage.

I just don't get the logic...because this proposal is completely illogical.

Limiting women's access to birth control will NOT prevent girls/women from having sex, will NOT decrease the number of unwanted pregnancies, and will NOT decrease the number of women who seek out abortions.

Please go to the Planned Parenthood Action Center and sign the petition to make sure birth control is accessible to ALL women.

I really like spinach, too

2011-11-18T09:26:00.000-05:00

My writer friends and I have been discussing Laura Miller's article on the National Book Awards (the winners of which were announced yesterday). This response in The Millions was spot-on and left me feeling hopeful about the state of literature and the reading public.

Limbo

2011-11-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

Right now I’m waiting:

- Three more days for the end of my self-imposed break from working on my novel (distance is a good thing, the great ones say)
- Four weeks for my students’ final papers
- A month and a half for our Christmas visit to Ohio
- Eight and a half months for our wedding
- Days or weeks or months for the responses of journals (I work on that side, too, so I understand the delay, but still, the wait…)

I’ve written before about my quest for patience, and now would be a good time to use my tactics. Deep breaths. Yoga. Long walks. Reading, knitting, keeping the mind occupied. Yet that creeping is hard to avoid. I feel it crawling up through my veins – that readiness, so intense my fingers curl. I want the earth to shake. I want the sky to open.

Or maybe I don’t need something so extreme. Maybe I just need to bide my time until Wednesday, when I can sit down with my novel and leave the waiting world behind for a while.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T15:45:00.002-04:00

The Good and the Bad and the Good

2011-10-20T17:05:00.000-04:00

Good
Today is the National Day on Writing. Yes, the Senate actually passed a resolution setting aside October 20th as a day to recognize the importance of writing in our lives (Oct. 20th is also my uncle’s birthday – happy birthday, Paul!). I celebrated by revising a short story this morning and talking writing with a friend over hummus this afternoon. I hope my students are writing today, too.

Bad
My apartment building was on the news! We’ve been without hot water (and heat, which is becoming a growing concern) for many weeks now and keep getting conflicting information from our landlord. The situation is highly unpleasant, except that it’s had the happy side effect of bonding the tenants together. Fighting a common enemy breeds community.

Good
To keep my mind off the fact that the temperature is going down to 49 degrees tonight and we have no heat, here’s a list of things I’m happy about/looking forward to:

- My dance class at the gym. I love flailing about for an hour and pretending that I’m graceful.
- Tucking into the New Yorker on my commute to school tomorrow.
- Halloween and Halloween parties!
- Getting my hands on a copy of Russell Banks new novel, Lost Memory of Skin.
- My students’ final research papers/presentations, when I get to see what they can do on their own with the concepts and techniques we’ve been studying all semester.
- Laid-back, just-the-two-of-us Thanksgiving plans in New York (watching the Macy’s parade from the end of our block).
- Being engaged for two months (exactly) and getting married in a little over nine!

Counting Down: Thoughts on Marriage

2011-10-03T17:05:00.001-04:00

In less than ten months, I’ll be getting married. I have no doubt that Eric is the person with whom I want to spend my life – we compliment each other perfectly. I’m ready and eager to walk down the aisle and commit myself to him and have him commit to me. We’ve been inside a whirlwind of planning and are crafting a ceremony that reflects us and who we are as a couple. The way every facet, from the reception venue to the celebrant to the dress, has been falling into place has been almost serendipitous. We are way ahead of schedule.

But all this excitement has a flip-side, which is quiet reflection. I’ve been thinking about the words “wife” and “husband.” What sort of wife do I want to be? What will I expect from my husband? By assuming these roles, how will we be transformed?

Eric and I have been living together for over a year. Before we got engaged, we talked about how, although we were ready to move on to the next step, we doubted that our feelings and day to day life would change. We soon found out that we were wrong. As soon as he asked the question and I said yes and he put the ring on my finger, I felt different. He said he did, too. “Fiancé” means so much more than “girlfriend” or “boyfriend,” and the variance is not just semantic. Now when I make decisions, I think automatically of “us” first. “We” are my priority, not “I.” That doesn’t mean “I” disappears. But the partnership comes first.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned. We know people signing prenups. We have many friends happy with cohabitation. But for me, I need marriage and I need it to mean forever. Although I’m not religious, I see marriage as a sacred commitment – a promise to each other that goes deeper than words, to someplace primal, into the origin of everything.

I know marriage is hard, but I am willing to work hard – I want to work hard. What my fiancé and are creating will be so worth whatever lies ahead.

Otherwordly

2011-09-05T12:15:00.000-04:00

On Saturday Eric and I went to MAD and saw the exhibition Otherworldly: Optical Delusions and Small Realities. We were blown away.

From the MAD website:

Otherworldly: Optical Delusions and Small Realities illuminates the phenomenal renaissance of interest among artists worldwide in constructing small-scale hand built depictions of artificial environments and alternative realities, either as sculpture or as subjects for photography and video. These are worlds of "magic realism" conceived and realized through intense engagement with materials, attention to detail, and concern for meaningful content. In this exhibition, the works are presented as dioramas, models, snow globes, and site specific installations, as well as through photographs and video.

Each piece was a tiny narrative, and Eric and I spent a long time peering at each one, marveling at the craftsmanship and the story told.

The exhibition ends on September 18th. We highly recommend that you go!

Bzzzz

2011-09-05T11:22:00.002-04:00

What have I been doing for the past month?

Well, I…

- did an awesome reading with the Barrelhouse crew at KGB
- went to Ohio for a week long visit with my mom
- became engaged to Eric
- went away with my fiancé for the weekend
- began planning a wedding
- started the fall semester at Staten Island
- chose a wedding date for next summer
- booked a reception venue
- finished the initial round of draft two edits on my novel
- lined up meetings with wedding officiates
- didn’t feel an earthquake, prepared for a hurricane, slept through a hurricane, kept up with The New Yorker, ran, practiced yoga, submitted stories, cleaned the apartment, met with my writers group, ran some more, practiced yoga some more, accidentally killed a tomato plant, planted rosemary seeds, baked banana bread, drooled over wedding shoes and wedding headpieces, spent too much time on Wedding Bee, etc, etc, etc,…

Phew!

Barrelhouse Reading TONIGHT

2011-08-08T08:15:00.000-04:00

Come hear me read tonight at KGB!

Barrelhouse Reading
7pm to 9pm
KGB Bar
85 East 4th St, NYC

The Need to Create

2011-08-05T08:20:00.000-04:00

The day after I finished the first draft of my new novel, I hightailed it to the craft store. I’d planned just to look around (or so I’d told myself), but as I wandered the aisles, my mind began to buzz with possibilities. I ended up leaving with several skeins of yarn and supplies for a picture frame project I’d been intending to do for the past year.

*Side note to my fellow college faculty members: Michaels gives a discount to ALL teachers, not just K-12. Since we often miss out on “teacher discounts,” this discovery made me very – some might say unreasonably – happy.*

I came home and set right to knitting. For the past week, I’ve been knitting away. Seeing those rows form is addictive.

The knitting process is also highly meditative and has led to Big Thoughts.

What I’ve come to realize: I always need to be creating something. Whenever I finish a story or novel, I suddenly become very crafty or intensely interested in baking – that is, until my trusty readers get back to me with feedback or a new writing idea forms. I cannot not be creating. If I’m not making something, I feel agitated, lazy, and anxious. I feel as if I’m not contributing to the world, and therefore not living up to my potential and not fulfilling the reason I was put on this plant. Extreme emotions, sure, but they can easily be quelled with a scarf or a batch of cookies.

Are other writers like this? Other artists? Do you feel the need to create beyond your usual mode?

I like that this need to create drives me. It forces me to be productive.

****

Today marks a year and a half with Eric. I have loved every moment of it and look forward to many, many years more.

Our plans for the evening: The Met followed by dinner at Candle 79.

Barrelhouse Magazine Reading, Monday 8/8, at KGB

2011-07-30T07:44:00.001-04:00

I'll be reading along with two excellent Barrelhouse writers on August 8th! Hope to see you there!

Here are the details:

Barrelhouse Magazine Reading
Monday, August 8th, 7pm to 9pm
KGB Bar
85 East 4th St
NYC

The event will feature readers with work appearing in Barrelhouse 9 (The Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll Issue), readers whose work will appear in the soon to be released Barrelhouse 10 (The Crime Issue), and one of our amazing assistant editors.

Readers

Melissa Broder is the author of two poetry collections, MEAT HEART (forthcoming from Publishing Genius, 2012) and When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother (Ampersand Books, 2010). Poems appear or are forthcoming in Guernica, Redivider, Court Green, Barrelhouse, Opium, et al. She edits La Petite Zine and curates the Polestar Poetry Series at Cake Shop in NYC.

Courtney Elizabeth Mauk is an assistant editor at Barrelhouse. Her work has appeared in The Literary Review, PANK, Word Riot, Joyland, and Wigleaf, among other publications. She has an MFA in Fiction from Columbia University and teaches writing and literature at College of Staten Island.

John Shortino is currently pursuing his MFA at Temple University. His essays and short stories have appeared or are forthcoming in Barrelhouse, Opium, and The Sonora Review.

I'm Back!

2011-07-29T10:20:00.001-04:00

Where have I been?

Right here, at my desk, working on my novel.

For the past month I’ve been sucked into the Finishing First Draft Vortex, which meant that I ceased to exist in the outside world. But now I’m done, and as much as I love getting into that space, I also enjoy coming back out.

This world always looks a little bit different after you’ve spent time in another one.

More regular blog updates will be coming soon. In the meantime, here are a few links of interest:

Anusara in the Apple – I practice at the World Yoga Center with Marjorie Nass and Jackie Prete, who will be among the teachers at this event celebrating Anusara Yoga and raising money for the Akasha Project (bringing yoga to underserved populations). Anusara in the Apple takes place Aug. 13th and 14th and includes a diverse array of classes taught by some of the best teachers in the city. Worth checking out whether you’re a novice or a tried-and-true yogi.

New Egg Labels…Or the Vegan Paradigm? – Some food for thought on the proposal to adjust the cage size for egg-laying hens and how it fits into the conversation on animal rights.

Barrelhouse Fiction Workshop – An awesome, 8 week online workshop starting in September and hosted by an awesome magazine.

And a video - Dar Williams, "What Do You Hear In These Sounds":

(old school Dar always takes me back to my Oberlin days…):

2011-06-19T15:53:00.000-04:00

We have a new bed, and it is incredibly awesome. Ty of Tripoli Designs made it for us. We gave him a general idea of what we wanted, and he went from there, letting the creative juices flow. He realized our dream and then some.

Paris

2011-06-07T08:05:00.000-04:00

Back from Paris. In our five days there, we walked across most of the city. Our main plan was exploration; we came with maps but enjoyed getting lost and leaving ourselves open for adventure. When we saw an interesting building, we went inside. When we glimpsed a courtyard, we entered. We wandered through a cemetery (burial grounds hold a special place for us; on our third date and first Valentine’s Day, we hiked through the snow in Brooklyn’s Green-Wood) but did not see the catacombs (the one hundred person line at opening turned us off; we had more exploring to do!). We happened upon a flea market and art markets, chomped on baguettes, lounged in parks. We let the hours slip through us, and in doing so, they expanded around us, so that Paris days were much longer and slower than New York days. Nature cooperated. The sun did not set until nearly eleven o’clock, and by that time we were back in our rented apartment, enjoying a bottle of wine purchased from the cheese shop across the street.

Now

2011-05-22T14:45:00.000-04:00

The pink post-it notes above my desk read:

Nonlinear Movement

Time Divided by Memory/Emotion

Dissociative

I am at the stage of novel writing where I am so deeply entrenched that I need sign posts indicating what I’m doing, where I’m going. Otherwise I’m likely to sink deeper, becoming submerged in my characters’ moments, losing sight of the big picture and the knowledge that I am the one creating this mess, I am the one in charge.

I love losing my footing almost as much as I love regaining it.

---

Writing. Teaching. Grading. Running. Stretching. Meditating. Planning.

Lately these actions have defined my life.

---

I’ve had many quiet moments. Holding still. Listening. The fall semester is ending. Eric and I are going to Paris. In June I’ll be teaching a new course, my dream course. One novel is in submissions. Another is in progress. The near future promises evolution, but for right now I am finding ways to be content in the space between then and then.

I am relishing that pause between the exhale and the inhale.

2011-05-02T15:49:00.002-04:00

Peace

2011-04-28T09:08:00.000-04:00

I’ve been feeling an incredible sense of peace lately, which I think can be attributed to several things:
- regular yoga practice and meditation
- the gorgeous, finally springy weather
- spring break from school and no papers to grade
- a conscious effort to spend less time online and more time writing/reading/getting outdoors
- my mom visiting and spending four days exploring with her (breaking routine, seeing NYC through another’s eyes, remembering what makes this city so amazing, why I am grateful to call it home)

Yesterday I took a long, meandering walk through Central Park. Instead of heading south as I usually do, I went north. I ended up by the reservoir, underneath trees bursting with pink flowers. I took my time. I inhaled slowly and deeply. I looked and looked and looked. I felt fully alive and aware and in the moment.

Beatific might not be too strong a word.

Spring - the season of renewal, the season of abundance.

I cannot get enough of this song

2011-04-11T20:49:00.002-04:00

When did March become April?

2011-04-09T10:31:00.000-04:00

What I’ve been doing lately:

- Writing. Two weeks ago I went into a manic phase: waking up at 6am, writing for hours, stopping only to do the most essential errands and school work. The words came without effort. The muse, divine intervention, whatever you want to call it, my characters were speaking and I was merely a conduit to this world. Standing in line at the grocery store, laying in bed, I could not keep still. My feet shook, my hands wrung. The only time my body quieted was when I was sitting at my computer. These moments do not come that often, and when they do, they are magical and a little scary.

- Planning a trip to Paris. Eric and I are going over Memorial Day Weekend. If you’ve been and have any suggestions of places to go, let us know!

- Being impressed with my students. I’ve taught Random Family by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc for years, but this semester my students were so engaged by the book that a group of them did some investigative work and tracked down the family members to find out what they are doing now.

- Growing baby trees. My mom gave us a “Rockefeller Christmas Tree" kit for the holidays, which included pine tree seeds. I planted them and now have eleven little sprouts. Like a new litter of puppies, some of them may need new homes soon.

Wigleaf

2011-03-26T13:10:00.000-04:00

My story, “The Room,” is up on Wigleaf. I also wrote a postcard from the Staten Island Ferry, which you can find posted underneath my story on the homepage.

Authenticity

2011-03-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

Brene Brown’s TED talk (posted in my February 20th entry) so inspired me that I picked up her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. In the past I haven’t been one for “self-help” books, but I have a deep interest in psychology and do believe that we can change our cognitive processes and behavior if we’re deliberate, committed, and earnest in our intentions. Perfectionism has been my pet demon since childhood: get the best grades, do the best writing, be the best girlfriend. Most dangerously, I had to have the best body, which led to years of struggling with an eating disorder. Sometime in the nearish future, I want children, and the worst thing that I could do is pass on my need to be perfect to them.

Don’t get me wrong – I think doing well is great. We should all strive to reach our own potential. I am a hard-worker and never intend to change that. Perfectionism is not about working hard in order to achieve your goals; it’s not being ambitious. Perfectionism is holding ourselves up to an unrealistic ideal and then punishing ourselves for not meeting it. Inevitably, perfectionism leads to failure.

Here is what I have learned from Dr. Brown: we need to embrace our imperfection, which involves practicing authenticity and self-compassion. That means making ourselves vulnerable by being honest with ourselves and others and not hiding what might be seen as “uncool,” or “bad,” or “less than.” Authenticity means saying, “This is me, and I’m enough.”

OK. I know how that sounds. I can sense the eye rolling. But how many of us actually live authentically? How many of us truly disregard what we’re “supposed” to be or “supposed” to do? How may of us celebrate our accomplishments and talents and relationships every day instead of stressing out about all that we have not done, all that we aren’t, all that we’re never going to be?

Exactly.

I was nervous writing this entry (how fluffy would I seem?). But I’m being totally authentic.

Expectations of a Reader

2011-03-06T11:02:00.001-05:00

I recently read Joy Williams’ State of Grace, and she got me thinking about my expectations as a reader. As a writer, I’m most driven by character development, and as a reader, characters are what interest me the most. However, in a novel, I also expect a strong, forward moving plot. I wonder how those expectations hold me back from appreciating alternative novel forms and variations. I also wonder what you think.

To the right, under the picture, you’ll see a poll. Let me know. As a reader, what do you value most in a novel?

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A few links of interest:

Gender-crossing – An essay about women writing men and men writing women.

America's quality of life – I was surprised by how much happier the middle of the country reports to be than the coasts. Also of note: the patterns of inadequate food and shelter and the low percentages of people who reported learning or doing something interesting the day before.

Young farmers – The local food movement is inspiring a new generation to take up agriculture. Awesome.

Wholesome or Horrible? - We Are What We Eat

2011-02-27T11:20:00.000-05:00

I’m loving Mark Bittman’s new Times column. His piece last week deconstructing McDonald’s oatmeal was right on in showing how greed and marketing are helping to wreck American diets. I’m especially disturbed by how McDonald’s could turn something as pure and nutritionally smart as oatmeal into a high-calorie, chemical catastrophe.

McDonald’s is no doubt misleading its costumers, but we as consumers have to look out for ourselves. We need to ask questions and push for clear answers. As I harp upon to my students, we have to think critically - about everything.

I eat oatmeal for breakfast most mornings. I buy my oats from the bulk bins at the Park Slope Food Coop and prepare them with water and a little bit of cinnamon, sometimes a bit of ground orange peel and almond milk. Natural perfection, made within minutes, and I know exactly what I’m putting into my body.

Room

2011-02-23T16:30:00.000-05:00

Winter break has ended over at Wandering the Stacks. Check out my review of Emma Donoghue’s Room.

Whole Heartedness

2011-02-20T09:33:00.000-05:00

I came by this video by way of several friends. The talk ties into many of the feelings/intentions that I referenced in my last post: living fully, with courage and vulnerability (courage and vulnerability lead to living fully).

Intention

2011-02-19T19:56:00.000-05:00

My yoga teacher tells us to notice the pause between thoughts. She urges us to inhabit that space of nothingness, of being-ness. Lying on my mat, my arms at my sides, palms turned toward the ceiling, I close my eyes and listen to the inhale, exhale of the woman beside me. She is in her forties, and I imagine that she has children, a husband, a list of worries and responsibilities that seems to have no end. Outside on 72nd Street, a truck horn blares, and I think about my own list, shorter than my neighbor’s but only because I am younger, not yet as encumbered. Already my list is longer that it was last year. Seemingly outside my control, the thoughts float through my mind: my novel, my students, a question for Eric about the weekend, what to cook for dinner, when to squeeze in a trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond for a new shower rod.

The pause, my teacher says.

I inhale, exhale. I fight my thoughts, and they come back with added force.

We roll onto all fours, arc our bodies into downward facing dog. My hamstrings are stiff. Slowly I pedal my heels up and down. Soon I am fluid, flowing. Movement brings release. I embody my body – a new feeling for me, who has long been at battle (truly, at war) with my physical self, as if my skin and bones were not my own but a sneaky interloper, set on my destruction unless I destroyed her first.

Here, as I bend into triangle: the pause. I inhabit it fully, with ease.

Skeptical friends have asked the point of yoga. Usually I would be with them, one of the first to be cynical about a trend. But not this one. The point of yoga? Love. Self-love. Clichés, perhaps, but I mean them with sincerity. I am learning to set my intention in everything that I do; to do whatever it is to the fullest extent possible, with the most open heart I can offer. The pauses are scary, and they are beautiful. They offer nowhere to run and nothing to hide behind. Inside that quiet space is the exact opposite of nothing. Inside that space is – nakedly, elementally, completely – me.

Responsibilities of a Writer

2011-02-06T16:02:00.001-05:00

On the first day of class, I asked my students to write a short essay that answered two questions: Who is a writer? What responsibilities does a writer have?

My students’ answers surprised, excited, and disheartened me. My different responses depended on whether I was reading their statements as their professor or as a writer who is working hard on her career. Their most common answer to the first question: anyone. Anyone can be a writer. Anyone who puts a pen to paper or sits down at a keyboard is a writer. Some took it even further: anyone who knows the alphabet is a writer. It’s as easy as A, B, C.

As a teacher, I think this idea is wonderful. I want all my students to feel like writers, to believe in their ability to express themselves, to feel free to say what they want without censure, to trust the power of their voices. They all have potential. However, the coherence of their expression and the degree of their power depends on their ability to craft those voices. An ungrammatical, rambling rant does little. A well-researched, well-constructed, well-written testimony can change the world.

But as a writer, I need to believe that not everyone can do what I do. I’ve studied for years (and invested a great deal of money) to learn my craft and the best way to practice it. My work is vetted and judged on a continual basis. Every day I try to do better, to be better.

But why, when anyone can write? When we are all writers as soon as we learn how to spell “cat?”

What does being a writer really mean?

Perhaps the answer lies in a writer’s responsibilities. The most common answer given by my students: a writer has none. But one student saw things a little differently. He wrote, “to serve mankind.”

Yes. Exactly.

From inside the heart of winter

2011-02-03T13:00:00.000-05:00

February may be the shortest month, but often it feels like the longest. The end of winter is only six weeks away, yet we’re in the midst of the worst weather of the season (and this year the weather has been especially bad). The days that aren’t filled with snow tend to be filled with gray. We’re ready to be done with all the muck and mire.

But I am an eternal optimist, so I choose to look on the bright side: Groundhog’s Day (also my mother’s birthday), Valentine’s Day, Presidents’ Day. The possibility of snow days ahead. Soft sweaters. Tea. Space heaters.

The spring semester (yes, spring!) has started up again, and so far so good. I’m also back on a regular writing schedule and producing steadily. On Tuesday I learned that Wigleaf will publish my story “The Room” in an upcoming (spring!) issue. Stay tuned for more details.

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A few links of interest:

Mark Bittman's Food Manifesto – I cannot agree more strongly. As a global society, we need to reevaluate what and how we consume. I became vegan and gave up processed foods four years ago. I have never looked back (or even been tempted to do so).

I’m reading a book – For all the bibliophiles out there.

Egypt - I don’t feel qualified to expound of what’s happening in the Middle East, but we all should read and be aware. Change is spreading.

The Swing of Things

2011-01-25T15:11:00.000-05:00

The past month has been eventful, to say the least. I spent two weeks in India, came home to Manhattan for a week (during which I had my first ever cavity filled), visited family in Ohio for ten days, flew back to New York on the 19th, turned 30 on the 21st, had a birthday party on the 22nd, and spent the 23rd recovering from said party. I’ve loved all of the spontaneity and surprises, the changes of scene, the reconnecting, but now I’m ready to get back into my routine, my writing routine especially. I took a break at a much needed time. In December, with the recommendation of my writing group, I decided to turn a short story into a novel, but I didn’t really know how to begin. I wrote and rewrote the first pages several times. They were fine, nothing exciting. Something was missing. I needed to step back, think, yet being at home stopped me from being able to do so. I felt too much pressure to create. Going away to India, where I had no computer and plenty of distractions, allowed me to let go, let my mind wander. Now that I’m back, I still don’t know what I’m doing, but that uncertainty is OK. I can proceed, haltingly, because I know the world out there is larger than my page.

On Coming Home

2011-01-07T08:27:00.001-05:00

India was fascinating and stressful and beautiful and ugly. I am digesting everything, slowly.

Seventeen hour plane flights lead to delirium.

I appreciate what I used to take for granted: showerheads attached to the wall, water you can drink from the faucet, leafy green vegetables, roads without potholes, toilet paper.

I miss chanting that wakes us at 4:30 in the morning, cows wandering down the middle of the road, colorful temples interspersed between storefronts, hushed corridors, hill hikes led by former poachers, forest treks that requite special leech socks, monkeys, the freedom that comes from feeling lost together.

India Bound

2010-12-17T09:59:00.003-05:00

Packed and ready to go!

I’ll be back in 2011 with tales of adventure.

Covering Up

2010-12-12T10:37:00.000-05:00

On December 18th I leave for India. Eric is already on his way; he has a week of work in Chennai before we begin our adventure. I’ve spent the past month getting ready. So much is involved in a trip of this nature: vaccinations, visas, water filtration systems, in addition to the usual hotel and transportation planning. And for me, there has been the added difficulty of finding what to wear.

The guidebooks and Eric’s Indian co-workers have laid out the rules for women: no legs, no cleavage, no shoulders. OK, I thought. No problem. I’m not a flashy or provocative dresser. But when I looked through my closet, I realized that I owned only one skirt that was not calf length or shorter or split up the side and that skirt was winter weight. I then opened the dresser and found tank top after tank top. All right. I could wear some light-weight long-sleeved shirts and just push up the sleeves. I tried one of my simplest shirts on for Eric. The shirt is black with a high neck; I wear it to school all the time. The verdict: no. Too tight in the breasts.

I sat back in dismay as Eric packed his bag with shorts and swimwear. He told me not to forget to bring a bathing suit. “You mean my bikini?” I said. He looked up. “Never mind.”

I scoured the thrift stores and finally found two long skirts and two baggy t-shirts. The search took hours. Almost every skirt was short. Almost every top revealed a part of my body that we as Western women take for granted as fashionable, attractive, ours to do with as we please.

Like everyone, I am used to dressing for the occasion. I know what to wear to an interview, to the classroom, to lunch with friends, to a fancy dinner with Eric. But my possibilities for each of those situations are vast. I can show my legs, the curve of my breasts and hips. I have the freedom to have a woman’s form.

I have known that women living in other places do not have this freedom, but for the first time I am beginning to understand, if only very slightly, what that means. The realization is disconcerting, disorienting, and only a small glimpse at what more I will learn.

Boycott James Frey

2010-11-27T12:23:00.000-05:00

The life of a writer is not an easy one. We toil for years without payment of any kind, wait for months to hear whether or not our work is deemed worthy of an audience, endure rejection after rejection. When success finally comes, it is fleeting and conditional. Few writers ever become rich and famous. If the writer attended an MFA program, he or she might never even become solvent.

Yet we are driven by forces that far exceed external rewards, and despite everything, we keep writing. We are compulsive, maybe a little insane. I cannot not write. And I want to write well. And I want people to read what I write.

For those reasons, I find James Frey’s Full Fathom Five beyond despicable. A writer who takes advantage of other writers deserves a special place in literary hell. The best way we can deliver that punishment is to take away his audience. I plan to never spend a cent on anything he has his hand in.

Wandering the Stacks

2010-11-14T13:58:00.000-05:00

I'm posting regularly on Wandering the Stacks. Take a look and let me know what you think!

Bits and Bobs

2010-11-14T12:31:00.000-05:00

I’m producing a lot. Stories are being fine-tuned and sent out. The novella is taking shape. Yesterday I had a revelation about its structure, allowing myself to think beyond the limits of a short story and open up to the possibility of a longer arc. I’m all right with letting things get messy for a while. In fact, I’m looking forward to playing in that mess.

- - -

On December 18th, I’m flying to India. Eric and I will be there for two weeks, exploring the South. I know that nothing I read or watch will prepare me for the experience itself. What will I see and hear and taste and smell? How will my worldview change? How will I change?

I’m ecstatic with excitement.

After we get back, I’ll be visiting Ohio. December and January will be a series of culture shocks.

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My friend Victoria Cho has started a writing workshop in my old neighborhood, Crown Heights. Check out the workshop’s blog for more info.

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The Alot.

Impatient Patient

2010-11-06T19:22:00.000-04:00

The sickness that I’ve been fighting (some days losing, some days winning) for the past week has finally defeated me. I’ve been home today with a sore throat and slight fever, and I’m going a little stir-crazy. I hate being sick. I want to get outside. I want to DO something!

Well, I have done things. Even though today involved skipping brunch with friends, napping for an hour, and drinking cup after cup of tea while curled on the couch, I’ve also:

- read two pieces written by friends and given feedback on one
- graded a couple of essays
- printed out several more
- finished reading Fat City by Leonard Gardner (beautiful and gritty and beautifully gritty – review coming soon)
- begun reading the newest issue of Poets & Writers
- written this blog entry

Not my usual, but not so bad either. I feel a little bit better.

Tomorrow, though, I need to spend some time out in the world or I’m going to crawl out of my skin. At the very least, maybe we can go watch the marathoners.

The Couple Next Door

2010-10-31T15:52:00.000-04:00

Our next door neighbor has a parakeet. Their conversations have become part of my daily routine. In the morning as I make my first cup of tea, I hear him speaking to her in bright tones and her responding in high pitched squawks. Around eight-thirty, he bids her good-bye. For the rest of the day, only occasional chirps emanate from the other side of the wall, but at six, when he comes home, he greets her like a wife and she responds in kind.

Their relationship makes me happy; they have found companionship in a city that can be self-contained, lonely, and cold. They make me grateful to have Eric and be approaching life with a partner. But I don’t feel sorry for my neighbor or his bird. They have a partnership, too, and it is quite beautiful.

These flimsy walls provide me with intimate access. When their routine breaks, mine does as well. One recent evening I didn’t hear her for several hours. I began to worry – had she fallen ill, gotten lost? What would he do without her? What would we do without them?

Finally, she sang her sweet notes.

Sometimes apartment living is sublime.

2010-10-16T14:57:00.000-04:00

A fascinating life:

South Street Annie

Ramblings

2010-10-14T14:32:00.000-04:00

I just finished Gilead. Housekeeping has long been one of my favorite books for its gentle tone and attention to detail, its acknowledgment that the most beautiful and significant moments are often seemingly the smallest. Gilead shares these qualities. I fell in love with the voice. I am by no means a religious person, but the narrator’s view of this world and the next spoke to me on a very deep level.

I might not be religious, but I do have a lot of faith. I believe that, at the core, people are good and have mostly good intentions. We make the wrong choices, and we feel regret. We repent in our own ways. And whether or not we believe in a god, at one point or another we all feel the amazement of this world. There is vulnerability in this shared experience because to admit our wonder is to admit our smallness, our incapacity to fully comprehend and control. That truth is heartbreaking and gorgeous.

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Life lately has involved a lot of grading, some long walks, a few culinary experiments, a bit of risk taking, and one or two wise choices. The demands of teaching took over for a couple of weeks, but now I’m finding time to write again. The latent anxieties that always creep up when I can’t write for a while are now subsiding, and I’ve been feeling good. Really good. The October sunshine might have something to do with it, too.

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Eric has begun my movie education. Film is not my medium. I’m able to sit down and read for hours, but half-way through most movies, my attention wanders and I have to fight the urge to get up and do something else. I know that I’m missing out. Eric’s taste in literature is excellent, so I trust him to open my eyes to what film can do.

Last night we watched The Science of Sleep. I liked it just fine. I thought it was very pretty. But I didn’t buy the relationships, which whether in film or in a book, means I can’t buy the story. And if I can’t buy the story, I have trouble paying attention. Afterward Eric explained why he liked the movie, and I appreciated what he said. But I realized that for me – watching, reading, or writing - everything boils down to character.

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A couple of links:

The National Book Award Finalists. I’m happy to see some independent presses on there.

A Newsweek article about school bullying. Do we live in a bullying culture? My answer is a resounding and unfortunate yes, which may seem to contradict my above statement about the inherent goodness of people. I don’t think bullying comes from a place of evil, however. It comes from fear and an attempt to gain control, which can then lead to evil actions.

Body, Be Good

2010-09-19T22:31:00.000-04:00

My essay, “Body, Be Good,” is now up on Sex In The Public Square. Take a look and leave a comment!

2010-09-16T09:30:00.000-04:00

I went away to California for four days and came back to jacket and tea weather. The sky is growing dark on the way home from school, and I’m feeling a need hunker down and prepare for the winter. Yesterday I cleaned. I baked and graded and took care of paperwork. I went shopping for extra layers. I had dinner with a friend and talked about the past in ways that felt distant, foreign, and funny. I don’t think I’ve ever been as satisfied – no, beyond satisfied; as purely and joyously content – as I am now.

New York, you’ve been so good to me lately.

-

For your reading pleasure, a new obsession around here:

Hyperbole and a Half

Spoken To

2010-09-06T07:18:00.001-04:00

Awake at 5am, voices clamoring, propelling me out of bed and through the apartment while the sky is still dark. This is the moment that I have been praying for - I am not the creator anymore; I am merely a conduit. Why wasn’t I listening, all those hours spent staring at the computer screen, all those days when I felt their ache deep within my body, their desperation as they tried to be heard? But I couldn’t understand their language then. They spoke in riddles, they tied my tongue. Suddenly I have become fluent. The sentences trill from my fingers, where they had been waiting all along.

2010-08-25T19:50:00.000-04:00

- The fall semester begins for me on Friday. I’ve never lost that first day of school, new school supplies and new outfit excitement from when I was a kid. My syllabuses are printed, my class blogs set up, and my book bag packed. I even have my reading material picked out for the ferry ride. As for the outfit, I’m still deciding, but I do have my choices narrowed down.

- I learned about this site interviewing artists about the time before they were successful through my friend Victoria Cho. My favorite question: “What would be on your grocery list?” Very telling and very relatable.

- Usually I write in close third person, but this week I’ve been experimenting by taking a step back into slightly distant third. I think I like it. The possibilities really open up for character analysis.

- My culinary adventures continue. Recent endeavors have included pita bread, lentil burgers, shepherd’s pie, banana bread, and my own invention, an apple cider-balsamic vinegar tofu marinade. Last weekend I successfully canned blueberries and discovered that, as I’d been warned, canning is addictive. This weekend we’ll be taking a trip to a pick-your-own farm.

New Review on Wandering the Stacks

2010-08-10T15:59:00.000-04:00

The Wandering the Stacks hiatus is over! I’ve just posted a review of The Queen’s Gambit by Walter Tevis. Take a look and let me know what you think.

Cooking Up Something Good

2010-08-06T10:46:00.004-04:00

Now that I have a fully functioning, newly renovated kitchen and a boyfriend to eat dinner with every night, I’ve been on a baking and cooking spree. I always knew that I liked to make food, but I’m discovering that I’m actually really good at it. In the past two weeks, my all-vegan endeavors have included:

- biscuits
- blueberry-lemon muffins
- chocolate chip cookies
- spinach lasagna
- pot pie
- tomato confit (from the Jean-George cookbook)
- chocolate mousse

In addition Eric and I have been regularly making hummus. Sundried tomato hummus, spinach hummus, pesto hummus…

I’ve started weekly menu planning and am enjoying paging through all those cookbooks my mother has given me over the years. What I like best about cooking is that, unlike writing, it's creation within a limited time-frame, with a guaranteed end product. I gain a great deal of satisfaction when after an hour or two I can taste the fruits of my labors and share them with the people I love.

Next up on the list of things to learn: canning.

End of July Odds and Ends

2010-07-28T17:00:00.002-04:00

- This month I’ve been consumed by a teaching job that I love. My students amaze and inspire me, and every morning I wake up excited to see what happens in the classroom. Now we’re down to one last day. My students have finished putting together a journal of their creative work, and tomorrow they’re doing a reading. I can’t wait to see how they wow the audience.

- Last weekend I helped Eric move, and partially moved myself, into a lovely apartment that used to be part of the library of a spectacular brownstone. I feel so inspired here, surrounded by lettered air. And I feel grounded. I’ve been baking, cleaning, enjoying setting up a home. I thrive when I have an outlet for my domestic urges.

- I’d been struggling with a story for several weeks and finally realized that I’d been placing too much pressure on myself. I feel a need to always be producing, and after I finished my novel rewrite, I gave myself no time to relax and reflect before launching into the next project. But lately, between teaching and moving, I haven’t had much time to write, and in that distracted state, the right structure and voice came to me. I’m ready to go back in.

- My review of Zetta Elliot’s young adult novel A Wish After Midnight is up on Nostrand Park.

- I’m going to post a new review on Wandering the Stacks very soon. Stay tuned!

Impatience

2010-07-16T15:23:00.000-04:00

I can’t find the rhythm of this new story. The words seem flat, the main character uncertain, her objectives unclear. I suspect that I’m being too linear, a common error in my initial drafts. I know her voice will come to me, but I’m impatient. I want to be inside her body already, viewing this hot summer day through her eyes. Instead I’m me, sweating in a café over my netbook keyboard, giving in to distractions, jumping up to buy another iced coffee before updating my blog.

Bits and Bobs

2010-07-01T16:26:00.001-04:00

- My short stories keep getting longer. I used to average around 3000 words and now I routinely go over 6000. Being in novel mode for so long seems to have altered the way I create.

- The brain, in particular the parts of the brain that influence perception and memory, has always fascinated me. In college I took a ton of psychology and neuroscience courses, and two recent articles (this one and this one) have made me want to get back into the subjects.

- I start teaching a new course next Tuesday. The title is Writing Identity, and I’m having my students read essays, stories, and poems about identity issues and then explore their own self-concepts through creative work, culminating in a class journal. I can’t wait to see what they produce.

- Last week I found out about Kiva, a wonderful microfinance/peer lending site. Take a look and contribute if you can.

- And, lastly, you should really read The Chaw Shop.

Summer Solstice

2010-06-21T12:44:00.001-04:00

Today is the first day of summer. Last week I finished a draft and sent it away to my most trusted readers. Lately my dreams have been of pregnancy, birth, new life. The metaphor is too obvious, but I enjoy the directness of my subconscious, a mistake I’d avoid in my prose. This morning I took the train from Manhattan into Brooklyn and got off several stops early to walk down a stretch of Fulton I hadn’t walked down before. The season and my state of mind are collaborating to make staying indoors almost unbearable. I want to wander, explore. I want to get in a car with the windows rolled down and drive out onto an open road with no clear destination and plenty of time to get there. Instead this afternoon I’ll take to the sidewalks for an hour or two. And when I get back, I’ll open up a fresh, white page.

Back in Action!

2010-06-08T13:41:00.001-04:00

After a blissful week in Jamaica with Eric, I’m back in Brooklyn, writing away.

Tonight I will be reading at KGB Bar (85 East 4th St) with Olena Jennings and Linus Urgo. We’ll start at 7 and promise to entertain.

My essay, “Love, A Still Life,” is up on Brooklyn The Borough as part of their The New 8 Million series. Take a look.

Come When You Call Me

2010-05-24T18:32:00.000-04:00

My story “Come When You Call Me” is now up on Joyland!

Read it here.

Merry Month of May

2010-05-20T14:39:00.002-04:00

May is a transitional month, and for that reason, one of my favorites:

- The Staten Island semester ended for me on Tuesday. The week before passed in a blur of grading, and then suddenly I was handing back final papers and everything was over.
- Which meant time to turn my thoughts to summer. I’ve been working on my July Eugene Lang course, Writing Identity, which I’m incredibly excited about. My planned course packet includes essays and stories by Alex Espinoza, Amy Tan, Joan Didion, Jhumpa Lahiri, and Edwidge Danticat.
- I’m revising my novel. At first I was growing frustrated because I thought I’d lost the voice, but then I found it again and now I’m happily pushing myself forward.
- Tomorrow my mother arrives from Ohio for a four day visit. She hasn’t been to New York for several years, and this trip will involve such landmark occurrences as meeting the boyfriend.
- At the end of the month, the boyfriend and I will be going on our first vacation together – a week in Jamaica!

Yes, busy, dynamic May. Which will be followed by a hopefully slightly less busy but also dynamic June, starting with my reading on Tuesday, June 8th, at KGB.

Sacrilege and Salvation

2010-04-28T07:54:00.002-04:00

I come from a book loving family. No, used in this context, “love” is too docile a word. We lust after books and fetishize them to the point of idol worship. The walls of the house where I grew up were crammed, in some places two or three rows deep, with books. We never had cable TV, and I suspect we were the last household in town to own a computer, but we seldom came back from an outing without a visit to a bookstore and a new volume (or more likely, stack of volumes) in hand.

We’ve shaped our lives around books – my mother and brother sell them, and I write them. We think nothing is as important, powerful, or soothing as the written word. And so lately our conversations have been returning again and again to the Nook, the Kindle, and the iPad.

The rumors are everywhere: e-books will be the death of real books, the death of bookstores, the death of publishing. But are any of these frightening statements true?

The recent New Yorker article shed some light on the situation for me. Yes, the future could be bleak, but only if reverence for books, in whatever form they may appear, is lost.

I remain optimistic. As a writer, I want an audience, and I am willing to be flexible with the medium, if necessary. I’m well aware of the decline of reading; each semester I ask my students to write their “reading and writing autobiography,” and I’m continually dismayed by how insignificant a role reading plays in their lives. Perhaps e-books will have more appeal. Maybe a screen will be more familiar, more inviting, opening up to them a new literary world.

But for the lovers - the fetishists - of physical books, nothing can replace the feel, the smell, the act of turning a page.

We as a society must remember that books are not mere entertainment. Otherwise, their value will diminish, prices will be slashed, publishers will go under, authors will flounder. We must remember that literature is an art form. It’s a labor of love and an obsession that changes the course of lives, one which I intend to pass on to my children.

Once we forget, we’re doomed.

2010-04-24T09:17:00.001-04:00

This week has occurred in overdrive. I had a creative surge last weekend that has carried through, resulting in story revisions, enthusiastic class planning, and 7am apartment cleaning. These almost manic episodes are fantastic; they make the moments of self-doubt manageable. I’ve had good news to stir me on, too: a story and essay accepted for publication, an anthology up for an award, and a reading booked for Tuesday, June 8th, at KGB.

The reading will be a reading AND party, actually, celebrating the launch of C&O Editing and Translation Services. Olena Jennings and I have many surprises in store. You won’t want to miss it!

You also shouldn’t miss the next Franklin Park reading, on Monday, May 10th. The line-up this time includes Dani Shapiro. Come early. April’s reading, which featured Mary Gaitskill, was standing room only.

I Like Mondays

2010-04-19T20:47:00.004-04:00

Today I found out that:

- my short story, “Come When You Call Me,” will appear on Joyland in mid-May

and

- the anthology Gravity Fiction, which includes my story “Beautiful Things,” has been named a finalist for the Eric Hoffer Award for independently published books.

Not a bad start to the week!

2010-04-04T20:04:00.002-04:00

Today I celebrated Easter and the magnificent weather by going to Prospect Park and planting myself by the water, where I soaked up the sun while reading a New Yorker article on Le Fooding. It’s been a slow, easy, irreverent kind of day. Time has trickled along until I find dusk pooling around me, spreading out to the tunes of Tom Petty on my roommate’s computer. I have tea, a new story to work on, and another day ahead before spring break ends and I go back to the classroom.

In my current mood of contentment, I give you a few links of interest:

Peepshi – definitely not vegan but, hey, I’m in the holiday spirit

Franklin Park Reading Series on Monday, April 12th - line-up includes Mary Gaitskill!

“Starry Night” made out of Malt-O-Meal – hmmm…

Volatile vs. Steady

2010-03-28T09:41:00.001-04:00

Eric and I have been making our way through the Up Series, and what fascinates me most, far beyond the differences between the subjects, are the differences within the subjects as they grow up and grow older. I’m curious as to why some people live their lives pretty much as they had planned at seven and why others go completely off their imagined paths. I wonder about the sad, nervous child (the one I was sure would crack and disappear) who becomes a happy, well-adjusted adult. Perhaps most poignant is the reverse: the laid-back seven year old with the perfect family who has dropped out of society by the age of twenty-one.

Of course the documentaries only give us a small, edited peek into who these subjects are and what makes them tick. We can only guess at the true trajectory of their emotions, the ordeals they have gone through, their real motivations. But they do seem to fall into two camps: the volatile and the steady.

I guess I’d be classified as steady. I knew I wanted to be a writer from a very young age. Other professions came and went: ballet dancer, hat-maker, grocery store clerk, teacher. But always a writer, first and foremost. I wanted to live in either the city or the country, and I still have occasional daydreams about living on a farm (with a writing studio in an old barn, surrounded by flowered fields). I was a happy kid, and I’m a happy adult. Even as a teenager with a fairly troubled home life, my baseline was happy.

Does my steadiness make me boring? I hope not. But I do wonder what a volatile life is like. How does it feel not to know what you want? What sort of freedom accompanies uncertainty?

Opportunity

2010-03-20T09:30:00.001-04:00

This week my class began discussing Random Family by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc. Each semester I am surprised to find that my students are much less sympathetic toward the people in the book than I am. I think this difference has to do with our views on opportunity. My students tend to have a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality, while I think societal expectations and limitations should be considered before judging someone for not “succeeding.”

Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart. I’d like to find out, so I’ve created a poll. Let me know how you see opportunity.

2010-03-17T16:34:00.000-04:00

Spring has arrived for real. I’m sitting in Flying Saucer Café with Olena, working on a new story and nursing a glass of iced tea. The door is open, and there’s a cool breeze blowing through. For now at least I’m not thinking about the stack of papers at home on my desk waiting to be graded. I’ll get to them soon enough. Over the past few weeks my schedule has become hectic, yet I’m finding more time for long walks, short stories, dinners with friends, random adventures. Perhaps it’s the additional hours of sunlight. Or maybe I’m just learning to live a little more seamlessly. Whatever the case, I like the evolution.

2010-03-05T19:47:00.004-05:00

A week ago New York was hit by its second big snowstorm of the year. My college closed, and I took advantage of the bonus day off by submitting stories to journals. The submission process takes me an inordinately long time. I research. I read selections from current and past issues. I look over the submission guidelines. I fret. I look over the guidelines again. Then when I send my story off, I record the journal and date in my submission log book. The organization helps stop the fretting. I want my work to be perfect before I let it go, but once it’s been released, I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Lately I’ve been reworking a story that I wrote during my senior year of college. I won my creative writing program’s big award for it, yet I left it to sit dormant all through grad school. The story carried too many associations, both positive and negative, and I found the idea of going back to it overwhelming. But now that I have returned, I’ve discovered a state of innocence; the words on the page are still in their early childhood, and I can mold to my heart’s content, nurturing the good stuff, curtailing the bad. I can see where I’ve grown as a writer and also how sometimes I’ve been way too hard on myself.

In teaching news, I’ve just added a gig working with 9th and 10th grade students. I’m pretty excited, especially since the course has a creative focus.

And in random personal news, I’m craving another ear piercing. I can’t decide between daith and helix. Thoughts?

New Home

2010-03-05T19:45:00.002-05:00

Welcome to the new home of my blog!

Blog entries from the past year and a half can be viewed on my website.